I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dear god my vagina.
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