Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize