if you like me you must not know who I am
Please, let me fuck your mom
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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