lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
