she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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