let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
