im about as happy as oj after his trial
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
