Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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