My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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