Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
