He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i drank out of a bidet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
