8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
