we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
