Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
