I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
