hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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