Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and she was petting her beer can
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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