On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
