Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize