you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
