She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
