just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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