I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My life is pants optional.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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