I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
