My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
