Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
