thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
