why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
