I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want nice things and good sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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