he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
