the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
