don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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