So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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