apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize