he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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