And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
