we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
