took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
