I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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