anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
