But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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