Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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