I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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