cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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