Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
