im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
