He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
