I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
