If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
