Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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