can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I still have a little drunk in my system
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
