ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
