i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
