I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize