so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well you can't waste a boner
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
