We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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